Wednesday, December 22, 2010
the elf on the shelf---AS IF!!!!
so, in the past few months (and for years and years), there has been much hoo ha over the book "elf on the shelf". if you don't know the story, it's about an elf who is sent down from the north pole every night to watch the children of a household and to report back to santa on their behavior. now, i know, there may be some easily intimidated children out there who will think twice before misbehaving knowing that an elf is on the lookout. but t.willie is not one of them. oh no, he would soon realize that he is bigger than that silly little elf and, he is smart enough to misbehave in a room other than the one said elf is occupying.
no, it would take more than that elf to make t.w. be good. i was pondering on just what creature would be intimidating enough to keep him in line and i think i have it......
introducing: the OGRE at KROGER
yes, the elf may be the spy of toddlers, but the ogre is the informant for unruly preschoolers everywhere! and i'm not talking about a lovable shrek-type ogre. no, i am thinking mean and nasty, an ogre of nightmarish proportions! just imagine, you are busily strolling along the aisles of your grocery store, scanning your list, looking for the best buys, when that kid in the seat of your cart starts whining and carrying on for ________________(insert whatever your kids whine or beg for).
haha! no problem! you just calmly point over to the frozen food section, where, standing there picking his giant, warty nose, is the biggest, ugliest looking ogre you have ever seen. you say, in your sweetest voice, "hmm, i wonder if that ogre has eaten today?" the big gulp coming from your child is music to your ears, as you know the whining will cease at once.
or imagine this scene: you are strolling down the grocery aisle when your little darling wets himself and smugly says "oops", while smiling at you because he did it on purpose. "hey, don't worry", you tell him, "there's mister ogre to take you to the bathroom to get cleaned up." oh, those "accidents" will never happen again!
so, moms everywhere, check out your nearest swamp or bridge (for that is where ogres live), and see if you can find an ogre looking for some seasonal work. set him up at your neighborhood grocery store and i promise, the next time the check-out clerk asks your kid if she wants a sticker, she will sit right up straight and answer "no thank you, mam!"
1. that t.w. is really actually quite a good boy when we're shopping
2. that he has never wet himself since being out of diapers
3. that the ogre i know is really very nice and answers to the name of bilbo(hee hee)